UPDATED: Is it kosher for a girl to ask out a guy?
I was reading Ruth a couple of nights ago and came across something interesting.
One day Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, "My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be well provided for? Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor...
When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth APPROACHED quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet. "Who are you?" he asked. "I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer."
"The Lord bless you my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: YOU HAVE NOT RUN AFTER YOUNGER MEN, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you ALL YOU ASK..." (Ruth 3)
Did I just read this correctly? Did Ruth approach Boaz to be her husband? I'm not sure if this passage is descriptive of early Israelite life or prescriptive for us to follow, but it sure is interesting.
Unfortunately, commentators aren't sure what to make of it either. Other than what the Bible tells us, we have very little knowledge about the customs of the Ancient Near East. Even the first readers of Ruth were a bit ignorant about some of the practices taking place (see Ruth 4:7).
So here's the question to be answered: Is it kosher for a girl to ask out a guy? That is, is it against biblical teachings, such as gender roles; or is it entirely hinged upon cultural upbringing? But more importantly, does Ruth give girls an example to follow?
UPDATE: I ask this question purely because I'm often asked by female leaders whether or not it's appropriate for a girl to ask out a guy. My response is that it's generally out of character for a girl to ask out a guy. But I don't see it as sin per se. I do question the role reversal that seems to have taken place as of late. Men have a natural tendency to be lazy. Are we enabling men to continue in sloth? (See "7 Deadly Sins" post.)
14 comments:
if you're taking a poll...i vote the guy does it. given his role in headship, it's the right thing to do, right?
I think guys have an issue with waiting too long to ask a girl out. She may get snatched up or think he's not really interested. So, I say, the guy should do it, and not delay too long.
seems to me like Ruth was directed to do so. I don't think it's true for all situations.
Clever, but I don't think that's a fair conclusion based on the entirity of the book of Ruth. First of all, Boaz was the kinsman of Ruth's deceased husband. He even ensured that the nearer kinsman didn't want to purchase the land and marry her first. I think she was being obedient given this cultural tradition.
As far as the not run after younger men part that you emphasized...when she first began working for him, he instructed her to stay away from the men, and she obeyed that request. I think this is more of an obedience theme than anything. The Lord granted her, "favor in his eyes". He was obviously "interested" in her if you will. This can also be seen when he goes to find the closer kinsman. I get the impression from the tone in ch. 4 that he wanted the other kinsman to pass up the opportunity to buy the land.
Also, isn't this passage symbolic of how we obediently come to Christ when He calls us? We lie down at his feet, and he purchased us for a hefty price and married us. As far as the "favor in his eyes" part, that's similar to how God elects us.
In my opinion, this passage isn't advocating girls asking guys out, it's more of a parallel of Christ and of obedience. Thoughts?
I agree, Ruth was being obedient. However, in this day in age, I do believe it is kosher for a girl to ask a guy out. However, most girls would like to be asked by the guy.
So which culture dictates that the above picture is the proper etiquette for girls asking guys?
Or is that from personal experience?
Heck of a question bro! Are there any biblical prescriptions regarding dating? Are you bringing marital headship roles into a non-marital relationship?
wow, joe. you sure are in touch with some "big topics" lately...
my opinion? If the girl takes the lead even before the relationship begins....will the man ever be the leader?
As far as the account of Ruth, I think most woman hope that this is a ticket to take the reigns in starting a relationship, but as was stated above, I believe this is a story of a kinsmen redeemer and our obedience to the Lord. =)
So Joe, what's your answer??? Are you going to go out with a girl that asks you or are you planning to do the asking? How do you think we should interpret this?
yeah, Joe, what's your answer?? The women and men out here need some pastoral guidance on this one!
John! I can't wait for you to hang down here in Phoenix with us. It's presently 66 deg here! "I'm lovin' it!"
Am I bringing marital roles into non marital roles? I sure hope not! But dating is difficult in our age because it is purely defined and operated from a cultural perspective, rather than a biblical one. In order to bridge the gap, it seems that one must begin to extract marital principles and apply them into dating. For instance, he should take the lead since men are the heads of the house, a la Ephesians 5.
I have a lot of questions about modern courting or dating or whatever it's called. I think it lends itself to unnecessary and unhealthy romance, which usually ends in heartbreak.
Hence, I appreciate how Ruth cut to the chase.
Perhaps it's better to jump right into a covenant relationship like an arranged marriage. (Again, I'm just playing with thoughts here.)
J, this is seriously the most innovative interpretation I've ever heard about Ruth! I commend you. I agree with what's already been posted about obedience...she was instructed to go to Boaz, and we can see the relationship to Christ in this as well.
On another note, this actually happened to one of my good friends, who is married to a pastor. The Lord revealed to her when they were just friends that he would be her husband. So, she boldly told him. It took a while before the Lord revealed it to him, but long story short, they're happily married now. So, I guess this can happen to a degree, but she waited patiently on him to make the first move.
Joe, I say...lt's goback to arranged marriages! To heck with dating, courting, eHarmony & match.com! I don't want to burn with passion any longer. Where is my kinsman-redeemer anyways? He sure takes his time! He he! In all seriousness, I believe the man needs to take the lead to prepare for his role as a husband someday, whether to the lady he is currently asking out or the one he will marry someday. I agree with Karen, a woman taking leadership in a relationship in the first place sets the tone for the man to take a backseat in the leadership role. I think way too many women are already too aggressive for their own good. True, there are men who step up and ask a lady out, but more often than not, many a man will say it is a turn on for a woman to ask him out. But in response to Ruth' coming to Boaz, I think cultural customs may be more appropriately the answer to why she did that. No longer are we as women to go to a man and basically show him that he is going to be our husband. It may work, as in Alyssa's story, but I think there a lot more to add...I am just done with my point now!
Paula
There are some very interesting comments on this page. Ruth is one of my heroes, she was very courageous, bold and obedient to God and family. I never thought about this story as a parallel for dating, though i admire people like you Joe, who study the Bible so deeply looking for God to reveal new ideas and thoughts to you. I too believe that this is a parallel between us and Christ, but i also believe God knew what he was doing when he was leaving us His words, knowing that even thought He doesnt change the world around him does, and we can apply the Bible to our lives now, so yes i believe we can use this as a reference for dating. If I knew deep in my heart, God wanted me to approach someone on this topic, I would follow His lead.
Yet, I believe it is the mans honor to approach the lady who may one day be his bride. Bearing the courage as Ruth did, believing if God wants it, it will be. In my experience, I have had only one man pursue me and that relationship lasted a long time, however, every time i do the approaching the relationship is short lived, so i dont know if this means anything, but it has made an impact on me...i no longer pursue, i just wait on God to bring me the man who will love me as He loves me.
I don't think the issue is necessarily how Ruth "asked Boaz to marry her". Rather, look at Ruth's life and committment to God. I think Ruth exemplifies the standard of nobility. She stuck by Naomi's side when she could have easily saught another husband. She didn't go after (or "date", in our culture's language) younger men. She wasn't pre-occupied with obtaining a relationship. She was consecrated to the Lord, and God then blessed her for her loyalty, hard work in the field and obedience. He then guided her through Naomi at His timing for this relationship. Isn't that interesting? Boaz didn't even have to do the asking. It was all an act of God that brought them together. That to me is the example we should be considering in this passage. Don't you think?
On the male side, her characteristics seem to be what godly men should be desiring from women also, yes?
Good, thought provoking ideas, Joe. I had to think about this again after initially reading it months ago and reconsider my thoughts.
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